Elizabeth Simone – Medium

Elizabeth Simone

Published in
Slackjaw

How My Parents Imagine My Parenting Choices Vs. How I Remember Theirs

My parents imagine our apartment walls are padded like an insane asylum.

Feb 21

How My Parents Imagine My Parenting Choices Vs. How I Remember Theirs

Feb 21

Published in
The Belladonna Comedy

Severance or A Visit Home To Your Parents?

They have stuff on VHS

Jan 17

Severance or A Visit Home To Your Parents?

Jan 17

Published in
Slackjaw

A Michelin Star Menu Of Stuff That I, The Parent Of A Toddler, Have Sadly Eaten

Mélange of tortilla chips and sand-encrusted Cheerios hand-harvested from the depths of the diaper bag

Oct 20, 2024

A Michelin Star Menu Of Stuff That I, The Parent Of A Toddler, Have Sadly Eaten

Oct 20, 2024

Published in
Jane Austen’s Wastebasket

BetterHelp Ads If They Were Honest About How Crappy It Is To Be A BetterHelp Therapist

Get 10% off your first month with promo code: NO PAID BENEFITS

Jul 11, 2024

BetterHelp Ads If They Were Honest About How Crappy It Is To Be A BetterHelp Therapist

Jul 11, 2024

Published in
Frazzled

Quiz: Your Baby or Your Schoolyard Bully?

Find out who’s taunting you!

Jun 5, 2024

A baby sitting on a mom’s shoulders, gripping her head with a happy expression. The adult appears to be grimacing and struggling.

Jun 5, 2024

Published in
The Belladonna Comedy

Introducing Rogaine for Babies©

The brand middle-aged dads have trusted for years, now for infants!

Apr 26, 2024

Introducing Rogaine for Babies©

Apr 26, 2024

Published in
The Belladonna Comedy

Quiz: Breastfeeding or Capitalism?

Late Night Feeding or Late Stage Bull!@#$?

Dec 13, 2023

Quiz: Breastfeeding or Capitalism?

Dec 13, 2023

Published in
Slackjaw

Some Alternate Phrases Men Can Say Instead Of “We’re Pregnant!”

“We’re finding it difficult to sleep because my wife has leg cramps, hip pain, and swollen hot feet, and I wake up every time she farts.”

Oct 16, 2023

Some Alternate Phrases Men Can Say Instead Of “We’re Pregnant!”

Oct 16, 2023

Published in
The Belladonna Comedy

Welcome to This Cozy Two-Bedroom Home That Could Be Yours for Over a Million Dollars

This place is really quaint, which is definitely not real-estate-speak for shockingly small considering the price tag.

Oct 11, 2023

Welcome to This Cozy Two-Bedroom Home That Could Be Yours for Over a Million Dollars

Oct 11, 2023

Published in
Greener Pastures Magazine

Classic Baby-Making Songs Rewritten for IVF

Girl, let’s make a baby using assisted reproductive technology

Aug 29, 2023

Classic Baby-Making Songs Rewritten for IVF

Aug 29, 2023

Elizabeth Simone

Elizabeth Simone

Words in McSweeney’s, The Belladonna, Points In Case, The Weekly Humorist, Greener Pastures, Slackjaw, Little Old Lady Comedy. IG: @comic__diary

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