If you’re not down with the bow-wow-wow, you’ll never be my beau My Self Summary… I’m just a gal who loves dogs, looking for a guy who MUST love dogs :) What I’m Doing With My Life… Spending each and every moment with my three dogs. There’s Peaches, my Aussie…

If you’re jonesing for some apples, honey and Challah bread, you’re at a High Holidays service. If you’re jonesing for some stale croutons with Kraft cheese and mustard, you’re just high. — If your mouth feels dry from fasting all day, you’re at a High Holidays service. If your mouth feels dry like it’s been stuffed with cotton balls, you’re just high. If you’re staring in awe at beautiful stained glass, you’re at a High Holidays service.

I Am A Fertility Goddess. Now Excuse Me While I Hurl. — It’s a warm spring day and everything’s in bloom, including my belly. But boy (or girl!), am I nauseated. Every second feels like a choppy day at sea aboard one of those wretched whale-watching tours off the Farallon Islands. Ginger tea doesn’t do shit. Now, excuse me while I hurl.

Condoms destroy sensation so completely, you might accidentally fuck her ear. — With a condom on, you feel nothing. You might as well slather Lidocaine on your junk. Condoms feel like your penis blacked out doing Sake bombs at Tyler’s 21st birthday. The .00001cm barrier makes your dick feel like a mummy, embalmed in a 50lb wad of gauze. A condom makes…

Please, think of the files. — Hi. This is Google, coming to you today with a critical message. Right now your Google Drive is 93% full. Soon you won’t be able to send or receive email, or access your Drive. …

71. Down: An ultimatum, of sorts — Across 1. Dear 2. Jerry ____ 3. “I think you have a _____” 4. Problem, of sorts 5. It has come 6. To my attn 7. “That you are!” 9. Spending 10. So much time 11. Doing 12. Crossword puzzles 13. Lately 14. So much so 16. You are, in…

The fantasy of an ample benefits package really turns me on. — Home Sick I’m home in bed, too sick to go to work. My boss calls to tell me to take all the time I need and that my job and salary are secure. I hang up and smile to myself. Just the thought of paid sick time makes my heart go pitter-patter. Playing Doctor …