10 Signs You Are in A Toxic Relationship With Nate Silver

Elizabeth Simone
2 min readNov 4, 2020
  1. You Keep Breaking Up and Getting Back Together: You’ve been “on again/off again” with him for over a decade, ever since he started fivethirtyeight.com. Four years ago you dropped him, saying “OMG, that jerk was so wrong” and swore you’d never go back. But alas, here you are again.
  2. Obsessing: You check his social media before bed and then have trouble sleeping because you are so nervous about how tight the race is in Georgia.
  3. Your Friends Are Sick Of Your Obsessing: At first your friends were excited to gush with you. But now they’ve seen how obsessed you are and they will not tolerate your sharing any more articles about the South Carolina Senate race.
  4. Inability To Be Alone During The Holidays: It is just too devastating to bear the thought of being alone while everyone else (you are sure) is joyously spending World Statistics Day (October 20th) knowing which way Nevada might break.
  5. Feelings of Fear: It’s good to feel excitement, but if your partner makes you feel afraid, the relationship is toxic. You feel excited sometimes (like when Nate says Biden has an 85% chance of winning) but you feel terrified when he reminds you that a 15% chance for Trump is “not nothing.”
  6. Making Major Life Changes For The Other Person: He’s never explicitly asked you to move, but you’ve definitely considered relocating to a swing state.
  7. Gaslighting: Having your reality challenged can make you feel crazy and confused. Nate swears that back in 2016 he said there was a 30% chance of a Trump win. But now you can’t remember. Did he?! 30% sounds so high. Really?
  8. Fantasizing About Marriage: Not to Nate (eww, gross). You are thinking about same sex marriage and what Nate’s predictions mean for the future of the Supreme Court.
  9. The Relationship Is One Sided: You let the other person have the first, last, and middle word, and doubt that you have anything valuable to contribute. You may even find yourself making excuses for him such as “he’s been a trained statistician for two decades.”
  10. You Tell Yourself You Can End It At Any Time: Any time after November 3rd…. Maybe.
Elizabeth Simone

Words in The Belladonna, The Weekly Humorist, Greener Pastures, Slackjaw, Points In Case, Little Old Lady Comedy. IG: @comic__diary